“Make a Deal”: My Contribution to the Trump/Mueller Musical

If Michael Cohen really is the key to bringing down Trump, you have to figure that when the musical version gets made, Mueller’s pitch to flip Cohen will deserve its own song. Here’s my suggestion, which is sung to the tune of “Cabaret“.

What good is taking the rap for some clown?
You’re hooked and I hold the reel.
Life is the art of deals, my friend.
Come in and make a deal.

Forget about pardon, you know it won’t come.
His loyalty’s not real.
I’ve heard there’s an art of deals, you know.
Come in and make a deal.

Tell what you’ve seen.
Tell what you know.
Go wear a wire and get him talking.
Come tomorrow you’ll be walking.

What good is pining away in a cell
Waiting on your appeal?
Life can be one big deal, my friend.
Come in and make that deal.

I used to know a mobster, name of Gotti.
The Teflon Don, he could be rather naughty.
He wasn’t satisfied with vice and looting.
He took out the top bosses with a shooting.

He thought that he could never be convicted
With witnesses and jurors so conflicted.
But when we made his chief lieutenant sing
The case became a very lovely thing.

I think of Gotti to this very day.
That’s how you put the guy on top away.

I said, “Come on, Sammy, you’ve got one last chance.
“There’s no better time to squeal.”
Life is the art of deals, my friend.
He came in and made a deal.

And as for you,
And as for you,
You can help me bring down the hammer
Or spend your best years in the slammer.

You know that he never would go down for you.
He doesn’t care how you feel.
Life is the art of deals, he says.
He’s the Crown Prince of Deals, he says.
But I love to make a deal.

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  • Pamela Jeanne V'Combe  On April 16, 2018 at 8:36 am


  • Charles Cizio  On April 16, 2018 at 9:11 am

    Very clever and apt lyrics. However, Mueller handed Cohen over to the jurisdiction of a State, right? So if a deal is made, it is not with Mueller.

    • weeklysift  On April 16, 2018 at 9:51 am

      The US Attorney for the Southern District of New York would have to sign off, but I think Mueller would be handling the negotiation. Mueller’s the one who would have to judge what Cohen’s testimony is worth.

    • Anonymous  On April 16, 2018 at 8:02 pm

      Having the State of New York involved means that Trump can’t pardon him. The President can only pardon federal crimes.

      • Anonymous  On April 16, 2018 at 8:03 pm

        I think.

      • Anonymous  On April 16, 2018 at 8:50 pm

        Actually, no, it’s a federal case…

      • weeklysift  On April 17, 2018 at 8:00 am

        That logic applies if the New York attorney general gets into the picture. But the USA-SDNY is trouble for Trump in a different way: The mission of a US attorney is to investigate CRIME, not some specific incident or event. So SDNY can follow the investigation wherever it goes, and there is no “red line” about Trump’s business career. Trump could fire the USA-SDNY, but he can’t fire the career prosecutors who work for him, and he can’t give orders to limit the investigation.

  • whistlinggirl2910  On April 16, 2018 at 5:38 pm

    Fabulous!!! Humor and snark is what saves us. But this is wit or aspires to be. Well done. We either laugh or we cry, it is said. I’d rather laugh.

  • gerrymackrell  On April 29, 2018 at 6:19 pm

    The truth will set you free. Now where have I heard that before.


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