The worst news this week is personal: My wife Deb died unexpectedly during the night between Thursday and Friday. She had survived three different cancers over the past 28 years, but they were all undetectable at this point, and her death seems to have had little to do with any of them. For a few days she had complained of intestinal discomfort, but none of her symptoms seemed out of the ordinary or hinted at being life-threatening, so she was taking a wait-and-see approach before involving her doctor. Friday morning I decided to let her sleep in, and when I finally went to wake her, I couldn’t.
I can anticipate the thought in most of your minds: “Why are you putting out a Sift this week at all?” It’s a really good question. My only answer is that it feels right; sometimes keeping going is easier than stopping. I want to assure you that I am paying attention to my emotions, and that a group of loyal friends are watching me like hawks. I am being well taken care of, and if I need a break in the future, I’ll take one.
If you have a personal connection to me or Deb and are reading the news here for the first time, I apologize for not reaching out to you in some less public way. There’s nothing that you need to be attending this week. I expect to hold an event to celebrate her life sometime after the holidays.
Meanwhile, the world has kept on turning. The weekly summary will discuss the fall of the Assad regime, the murder of a health-insurance CEO, martial law in South Korea, reactions to the Hunter Biden pardon, Pete Hegseth’s promise that he will stop drinking if we give him one of the world’s highest-stress jobs, and a few other things. As usual, I’m going to try to get that out around noon EST.
The featured post is another in my series of meditations on what went wrong in the 2024 election. This time I’m looking at pre-existing narratives in the public mind, and how they can protect misinformation against debunking. After reading even the most thorough debunking, too many voters are left with the impression that while this particular event may not have happened, this kind of thing happens all the time (even if it doesn’t). It’s hard to guess when I’ll get that posted, but probably not before 10.
The Weekly Sift 
Comments
I’m so very sorry for your loss.
I’m so, so sorry for the unexpected passing of your wife. Please take care of yourself. If working is what you need to do, do it. But take time to listen to your body and your soul and make sure you take good care of both through this difficult time. Peace by with you.
So sorry for your loss.🙁
I deeply appreciate your blog.
Peace be with you.
Losing a loved one suddenly and unexpectedly is a deep shock. I’m glad you have people around you who love you. Writing can be a solace for many. I send love to you and yours, with my condolences, and much gratitude for your powerful, meaningful work.
I’m sorry for your loss.
Steve Alcott
>
Sending healing light. So sorry! I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now. But please know that we, your readers, admire and respect you and also care about you on a personal level.
Mr. Muder, please accept the condolences of a stranger.
Doug, I was so sorry to read your news about Deb. After all her struggles with cancer over the years it must be shocking to have it end like this. Take care of yourself.
Your news is grave and my heart aches for you. But I also understand your continuing with the Weekly Sift. You & Deb will be in my thoughts.
Frances
my heartfelt condolences. Your weekly sift is important to me. But most important is that you take care of yourself and do whatever is right for you for your soul your spirit and your body.
Love and light.
We’ve never met but your writings have given me much to ponder and I thank you for such.
I am so sorry.
Oh, Doug. I am so sorry. I met Deb that one time at GA in Florida in 2008, and she was so lovely. I cannot imagine what her loss means to you.
I know you will take sensible care of yourself. But what you’re going to go through is not a sensible process, and I wish you the space and strength to deal with that as you need to.
All my love.
Deep Condolences on the passing of Deb and the sorrow you are feeling.
As Adam Grant wrote recently, Closure is a myth. Grief doesn’t evaporate–it waxes and wanes. The purpose of grief is not to cause pain. It’s to keep memories of loved ones alive and remind us to make the most of our time. Moving forward after loss is not about easing sorrow. It’s about gaining perspective.
In peace, Deveron Timberlake
There is no more I could add to the expressions of sympathy here.
Both my wife and I have, at our great age, the fear of such a loss hanging over us. Each has lost a spouse many years ago, though not with quite the same shocking suddenness. And retrospectives on grief have been written by C S Lewis (A Grief Observed) and Richard Feynman (one of the two posthumous collections of essays, probably What Do You Care What Other People Think) and both described the persistent haunting of the effects. Maybe one or both would be worth reading; maybe not.
So sorry. No words. I can try to imagine your loss and pain (I lost someone too). Thank you for continuing your work. Your clear and thoughtful commentary is important and helpful to many of us.
i am so sorry to hear about the loss of your wife. I know you will miss her dearly. I am grateful for your messages.
I’m so, so sorry about the loss of your wife. I’m glad you have people looking out for you.
Dear Doug,
Although I don’t know you personally, as a fellow UU I extend my deepest sympathies in the passing of your dear wife. Gratefully, I read your blog each week and please know your readers will understand and support whatever approach you need during this difficult time for you. Sending caring thoughts.
Lauren ( Framingham)
I’m so very sorry. I don’t personally know either of you but have been reading your columns for some time and appreciate the research and thought that goes into them. I wish you the best going forward as you deal with this. Nothing helps the grief. Like the tides, it comes and goes but in my experience, work distracts for a while and maybe provides a respite. Karen Hughes
Sincere condolences. What a shocker. Do take care of yourself and allow friends to care for you. I am so sorry this happened.
My wife recently passed away from matastatic breast cancer in August.
I am so sorry. My sympathies.
So so sorry for your loss.🙁
May you grieve well. May peace be with you.
— a long time reader in Toronto.
so very sorry for your loss.
—long time reader and friend of a friend
Doug – my condolences. I actually understand why you would want to continue keeping your routine. Sometimes that’s the only way you know how to process the world.
I am so sorry. I only know you from afar but from your writing know your wife was a very special person. A person you deeply loved. A gift.
I am stunned at your news. I and my better half Casey send our deepest condolences at your loss. Sending positive and supportive thoughts. –Peter
“But listen to me. For one moment
quit being sad. Hear blessings
dropping their blossoms
around you.”
― Rumi
May your dear wife rest in eternal peace.
May you find peace in her memory.
I’m so very sorry to hear about this, Doug. May her memory be a blessing.
I am so sorry for your loss. As a long time reader, I am so thankful for your writing and the way you have kept me informed and thinking for many years now. I hope you find comfort and peace in friends and family, and know that there are many of us thinking of you from afar. Sending love.
Condolences and warm, healing wishes to you. What a horrible shock this must be. For what it’s worth in a time of such deep loss, I’d like you to know how valuable the Weekly Sift has been to me and how much I appreciate your clarity, vulnerability and wisdom. You give a piece of yourself every week and it means a lot to us out here — AND of course we followers hope you will work through your sadness in whatever way serves you best.
So sorry for your loss.
I’m so very sorry. So sudden, and so recent. Deb sounds like a very special person, and you obviously deeply loved her. Do what you need to do for yourself, and accept whatever you need from your circle of friends. The pain will be a little less after awhile
Doug, you don’t know the two of us very well (that is, Jill Drury and Shaun Morrissey; we just had a couple of Indian lunches together in Nashua), but we knew Deb at work and greatly liked and respected her. This is a huge loss and we are so saddened for you and for the rest of the world, which is much diminished by her passing. Please let us know when any memorial services might take place.
Oh I am so sorry. May her memory be a blessing and much love and support your way.
So sad for you. So sorry for your loss. Since it feels right, I’m glad you are putting out a Sift this week. Your posts help me make sense of the world. I look forward to reading them each week. Your insight is so valuable to me especially with the political turmoil in our country. Take good care.
My heart goes out to you, Doug. I am so sorry for your loss of Deb. You give me so much every week that I am greatly in your debt. Tim McGregor
cell: 281 684 4923www.timmcgregorbooks.com
My condolences for your loss and want to thank you for all you do for us every week. Please take care of yourself.
Doug, you don’t know me – I’m just an anonymous long-time reader, but please accept my sincere condolences. I greatly enjoy your blog and appreciate all that you do. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Oh no, I’m so sorry. Thank you for letting us know, and letting us be a part of your extended community in some small way.
I am so very sorry for your loss, Doug.
It is clear from this blog that you are a worthy and loving man and that your wife was at the heart of your world. Thank you for all you are doing, and please accept the deepest condolences of a dedicated reader you have never met.
So very sorry
I am so sorry for your loss
So Sorry to read this. Please accept my condolences.
Doug, my condolences to you and your family and friends. We don’t know each other but, as an aside I want to thank you and express my gratitude to you for your research and thoughtful examination of the “news of the world”. Best Wishes to you as you hold your dear wife in your heart for the rest of your days.
I’m so sorry to hear this news; my deepest condolences. I hope you’re getting all the love and support you need right now.
Condolences.
Love and condolences to you. –Jeff (Memphis, TN)
Very sorry to hear this. I’m glad you have friends nearby. Others have said it better here, but I wish you peace and the support you need right now.
If you’ll take condolences from a stranger, I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope it’s some comfort that there are likely lots of folks like me, who have read and admired your work weekly and who are deeply grateful for the clarity you bring to difficult topics.
John
Saddened to hear of your loss.
expressing condolences for your loss. Very sad. Although I don’t know you, I greatly enjoy getting the weekly shift and thank you for that
Very sorry to learn of this, please accept my condolences.
Rick, NYC
Deeply sorry for your loss. Thank you for the work you do both here and as a fellow UU.
Dear Doug,
I am so very sorry for the sudden loss of your wife. My heartfelt condolences.
A faithful reader, Kathleen Byrd Olympia, WA
>
I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t know you personally, but yours is one of a tiny number of blogs I read religiously (said euphemistically as a fellow UU), so I do feel like I know you in a way, and it makes me terribly sad for you to have lost your life partner so unexpectedly. My deepest condolences.
I am deeply sorry.
Oh what heartbreaking news to wake up to. Please accept my deepest condolences, Doug.
Doug,
I am so sorry. I cannot even imagine the pain you are feeling. My deepest sympathies to you.
Allen
So sorry for your loss and deepest condolences to you, your family and friends who were close to you both…
Please accept sincerest condolences from a fellow UU living in Mississippi. Your blog is helpful on so many levels to one who is living blue in a very red state. May grace and the blessings of your many readers bring you comfort.
Oh no! What a shock for you and your family. I’m so very sorry for your loss.
You don’t know me but I also grew up in Quincy. I think another friend from there connected me with your work. Thank you for all you do.
I meant to leave my name – Annie Carrott Smith – instead of anonymous.
As a long time reader and fellow UU in WA State, I feel I know you a bit and I want to express my condolences! I know your wife has dealt with health issues, but clearly this was unexpected. I’m so sorry. You touch many lives and we care about you. Best wishes for peace in your life.
My deepest sympathy to you and your family. Sudden deaths are very hard and often take time to hit you. I am glad you have dear friends who are watching you like hawks for the pain to hit. Your posts have helped me live through these times.
So sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.
My sincerest condolences, Doug, from a long-time reader and UU in Indiana. I’m so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.
I am so so sorry for this sudden loss, please accept my condolences. I don’t know you other than through your weekly posts and I am so grateful for them! It’s where I go for sanity, clarity, principle, and to confirm my deepest values. Been doing that for years now, and await Mondays knowing that you will leave me feeling stronger and clearer. I am 92, and compassion, understanding, humanity, is what I value at present. I am a lifelong atheist, I believe in people’s capacity for good—sorely tested at times but still, I think/hope it will prevail. Take care of yourself, this is such a hard loss! Thank you for continuing to engage with us, please don’t stop, be well.
I understand your need to keep with your normal routines while you process all the emotions you may be going through from your wife’s sudden death. And I’m glad you have such a good support system around you. Just know your work is appreciated but so is your life and if and when the big emotions hit, please know we’ll understand if you need to just stop for awhile. Just lots of love to you and thank you for all the reflections on current events that you’ve given us.
Doug, I am so sorry. You don’t know me, but I feel like I know you. We share a mutual friend, David Kaye of Harvard, Mass. In fact, David was the one who tapped me into your blog, which I read faithfully every Monday. As you indicated in your opening paragraph, your readers like me can hardly believe that you wrote a post for today. My sincere condolences on your loss. I wish you strength, courage, and peace, all attributes which you have displayed abundantly in your writings through the years.
~Michael Paladini, Stow, Massachusetts
My deepest condolences to you and all who grieve your wife’s passing. Your blog has been a beacon of light and sanity to a lot of us readers for years, and I hope this outpouring of support here offers you a bit of light in return as you grieve.
If you do choose to take a break for this blog while coping with your grief, no compassionate reader in your audience would ever judge you adversely. And if you do take a break, remember that we appreciate your insights and we’ll be here waiting for you to return to this blog when you feel ready.
Again, I’m so very sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Please take care.
Dear Doug,
I am so sorry to hear this sad news about your wife Deb. It must have been a terrible shock. Surviving three cancers over the past decades is heroic on both your parts.
Please know I am holding you in my thoughts and heart, and send sympathies.
Take good care. And thank you for all the wise words you give to all of us.
Love, Hillary Hillary Goodridge
>
You are so appreciated and I am so sorry for the death of your wife. I am glad you have good care around you. Please know that the love of many strangers flows to you in unreckonable waves in the coming days.
Doug, I am so sorry to hear about your wife’s death. I’m sure many of your readers will join me in saying I feel a personal connection to you through your insightful writing and helpful perspectives. This news is heartbreaking. Please know that I am holding you in my heart.
Liz F
I am so sorry.
I really I am so sorry to hear about this. I hope you are doing ok.
I’m very sorry for your loss. We don’t know each other, but your blog has been a consistent source of information, wisdom and insight for years now, and I appreciate it and you. I wish you the best.
Having read you for several years, I was truly shocked to take in your opening sentence today. Your work is so important and you know, from today’s and past blogs, how much being in your online community means to the rest of us. Thanks for carrying on!
So very sorry for your loss, Doug.
What sad news! So unexpected. I offer my condolence and shared pain in losing my husband unexpectedly after his battle with Parkinson’s. I hope your friends can hold you in that safe, loving space while you make peace with this.
My mother told me there are some events for which you cannot be prepared. Take the time you need.
My deepest sympathy for the death of your wife. You will be in my thoughts in the following days, weeks, and months. As always, thank you for your thoughtful and on point comments about the events of the day. Also as always you will have the complete support of your readers to take time for yourself as needed and care of yourself as needed. Holding you in loving thoughts.
meant to leave my name, Deborah Kahn
So sorry – you have my sincere condolences. Very difficult to lose a spouse.
Brian Douglas
Deepest condolences and sympathy on the loss of your wife. May you find comfort in her memory.
So sorry to hear this, Doug.
Agree with what others have said, if your column being the equivalent of “chopping wood and carrying water” helps you, then we’re happy to read. If you need to pause to process and deal with Life Stuff, then pause and we’ll be here whenever you feel ready to return.
We’ve never met, but my husband and I both read your column every week and often discuss your points for days afterwards.
You and your family will be in our thoughts. Take care of yourself,
Hannah Emery & Alec McEachern
Doug, words fail. I heard at church yesterday, where we held quiet to feel you, and her. I am so sorry. I didn’t know Deb well, but we always connected when you came to town, her eyes twinkling as she talked about Tarot, and Life. She seemed so deeply warm. Our thoughts and hearts and soul-like-things are with you.
Warmly, Liz
lizwieking.com
*Low-gloss, high-impact coaching for world peace. We are where it starts. *
So sorry for your loss. Know that you are in my prayers.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
So terribly sorry to hear about your wife’s passing. I am sad for you.
Your news is an absolute shock. I read you every week and feel as if you are a close friend, and so what happens to you affects me deeply. You could not have a greater group of caring supporters than those of us here.
This is from your dear friends in Quincy, IL. When Mike Flanagan gave us the announcement of Deb’s death yesterday morning there was a united breath of shock and disbelief. And tears. We hold you two in our hearts and minds as a part of our family. We had a moment or two of silence with Todd Pettit playing our organ for us to find our feelings. The last time you spoke in Quincy I had the privilege to sit with Deb. Now I wish our conversation could have been longer. Of course, you can be thankful to have had her in your life. My emotions are close to the surface because my husband Jim died in July of Parkinson’s. His death was not a shock, but a long, drawn out ordeal, but when asked if he had any pain — “no”. We are glad you have friends close to you. Please take in all the kindness they give to you. Dienna Drew
Sent from my iPhone
Thank you for your kind service to clear information. Please accept my condolences
Doug, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. For most of us, our worse fear is going to wake up our spouse or partner and being unable to do so. I’m sorry to had that experience.
May Deb rest in peace and your memories of her brings a smile of two to your face daily.
DDD
Deep condolences for your loss. Love surround you & your family.
So sorry for your loss. Surround yourself with memories, family and friends. Deb Henken
I’m a long time reader, but I rarely ever read the Intro bit (because I’ve just read the bigger articles). Your notice today caught my eye somehow. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I hope all these well wishes from strangers are meaningful. Your writing is so good, and the intent and warmth behind them all are so good, it’s clear that you are a decent human. And you couldn’t be that unless Deb was as well. We see her through your work, and she was beautiful. Please hang in there.
Doug, I am a fellow UU in Indiana and a regular reader of your blog. I am so sad to hear of the death of your wife. I will hold you in my thoughts. Please know that you have many friends you have never met, and we are pulling for you.
Eleanor Trawick
Muncie, IN
I’m so sorry for your loss. May Deb’s memory be a blessing as you move into a new kind of future.
Dear Doug,
Though I don’t know you personally, I want to say how sad I am about your loss. I came to know and value the Weekly Sift thanks to my brother Dwight, who was a long-time fan–and whom I lost to lung cancer last February. From that event and others, I know what it means to keep going with whatever you were about to do and let the loss sink in over time. You have my warmest condolences, along with my gratitude for continuing to share your thoughtful takes on our increasingly disquieting world.
Cathy Porter
I am so sorry.🙏
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What a shock! I am so sorry for your loss, and hope that you will have the warmth and support of friends and family during this holiday season. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Cinda
I am so sorry, Doug
Dear Doug,
Please accept my condolences on your wife’s death. I hope you find comfort in your friends, your family, and the community of readers you have brought together with you wise perspectives.
Take care,
Candace Barrington, a grateful reader
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So very sorry for such sad news, and so grateful that you can continue to provide such insightful and relevant commentary on current events even in such trying times.
Love & Light
May her memory be a blessing.
Sending you lots of love today.
I am a dedicated reader of your blog, and have never posted a message until today… I am truly sorry for the loss of your wife, and hope that you are surrounded by supportive family and friends through this difficult time.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. I really like your column and I hope you continue with it.
Please take the time if you need it.
Mr. Muder,
How distressing to suddenly lose one’s wife with no warning, no time to prepare one’s mind for it! I’m quite sure that your deciding to continue writing is the best way to get past the shock and hurt of such a devastating event. Our thoughts and prayers go out to you and for you. Please know that we so look forward to your well reasoned and well measured analyses each week. They are a breath of fresh air in a polluted World.
Marvin O. Fretwell 11357 E Posada Ave Mesa, AZ 85212 mofretwell@gmail.com 360-607-7174
hello, Doug –
what dreadful news. I am so sorry.
As you well know, there is little anyone can say to reduce your pain and grief, except perhaps to let you know that many who do not know you – care about you, and wish you well
Peace,
Melissa Warner Racine WI
>
Doug,
I am so very sorry for your loss.
John Grundhauser
Miami Shores, Florida
I cannot (or at least refuse to) imagine that happening to me. But you’re as strong, smart, and sane as they come; I’m sure you will set examples in a time of such personal tragedy from which we can all learn. That shouldn’t matter right now, but of course it does: it’s one of the burdens of your being a heroic role model to so many.
May your wife’s memory always be a balm and a blessing to you, much as you are to us in your online flock. — GAD
Sir, I have been reading your columns for a couple of years now (a friend alerted me to your work). I’ve never left a comment. I can see from above that it really isn’t necessary for me to leave a comment now, given all of those who have and who have no doubt said things better than I. After all, there are no words that will do anything to make your life’s new direction any easier. I know that, as a general rule, women outlive men so I’ve lived with the likelihood that I’ll go before the love of my life, so it wouldn’t be me having to learn to live without her as she will likely have to do after I’m gone. Therefore, I can only imagine what you are facing … and I’d rather not do that imagining. Bless you. –AJS
We are terribly sorry for your loss. Our deepest condolences.
Tom and Julie, Dixon, CA
Hey Doug, It is wonderful to see the outpouring of love coming your way in the wake of Deb’s death. Her impish smile rests in my consciousness since we first heard the news. We meet with another retired ministerial couple online regularly to share writing from a text that we all ponder. We met this last week and I paid homage to Deb by having us listen to Sweet Honey In The Rock’s song, Breaths. https://youtu.be/2oE4Qatypjssi=OGUSuM_q673G8Ams
I do believe that Deb’s spirit lives on in our own lives and in nature’s everlasting song. With much love, Geoff
That song is an idea for the memorial service.
Doug, I am so sorry for the loss of your wife, Deb. You’ve been a constant source of comfort to me for years, especially these turbulent ones, and I wish there was something I could say of comfort to you but I know there isn’t. Just please know that you are being thought of with warm and caring energy.
Zoe -Florida
Dear Doug,
I am so sorry to hear about your wife. My own grieving process (my father died of cancer in 2014 when I was 23 years old) taught me that every loss is unique and so while I can’t begin to imagine your feelings and experiences of this moment, I do want you to know that you are not alone. I am thinking of you, sending love (whatever that means coming from a stranger), and hoping that you can, at the right time, find comfort in some way, shape, or form.
For what it’s worth, The Weekly Sift gives structure and clarity to my week. I appreciate your obvious passion for seeking truth, your clear style of writing (not to be taken for granted these days…), and the values you bring to the conversation. To be totally honest, The Sift is my anchor within the maelstrom of information in today’s world. Thank you for this.
No need to respond, though, of course, I would be happy to talk anytime (sometimes chatting to someone with some distance can be helpful.)
Warmly, Mordechai Labaton
P.S. In case you are a poetry person, I’ve always found this meaningful:
[image: A11BBBCC-D649-440B-858E-40273B391FE1.jpeg]
Doug… your news deeply saddens me. Saying I am sorry for your loss just doesn’t seem enough. I understand your continuing with your work is like a balm of sorts on your broken heart. And that is what you need to do. The grieving will be there too. I am in my 70’s and have lost several women over the years. They are with me still, each one in their own way. Be kind to yourself and let your friends support you. I wish you peace.
Sorry to hear this. I’m sure she’ll leave a big hole. I love the blog, but I’m sure it’s not the most important thing to you now (or maybe ever, but you know what I mean, I hope).
Good luck.
Sorry for your loss. Been reading you since 2012, from Brazil. Hope you keep finding, again and again, reasons to engage every week with a hopeful spirit, sharing it with us. I wish you love and peace.
I’m so sorry for your loss; may her memory be a blessing to you and your loved ones. (Missed the Teaser last week, or I’d have posted earlier.) As a fellow C.S. Lewis fan, will also start reading your other blog; the Weekly Sift is important to me.
Yes, your Weekly Sift posts are an anchor for my week. They are so considerate and are so profound in their logic that they bring me a much-needed warmth that I have come to rely upon.
My condolences on the loss of your wife. May the relationship and the perspective on the world that you built with her continue to sustain you.
I am so sorry for your loss. Please take good care of yourself.
I’m so sorry for your loss and so grateful for you. You have been a critical part of starting each week in my life for a few years now and I often find myself looking forward to hearing your thoughts on news events as they occur. You don’t know me, but I feel like I know you. I’m sending you all my love and compassion.
What sad news! Deb sounds like a generous and brilliant person as well as a true soulmate in your life journey. May you find comfort in years of happy memories.
I’m so sorry for your loss, and glad that you have a support network around you. Like so many of the comments, I’m a long-time lurker, and the Sift has been part of my life for literal years, so in the way of parasocial relationships, I feel like I do when a friend suffers a loss. I lost my mom unexpectedly just a few years ago, and I grieve with you.
Thank you for your clear-eyed determination to keep us all living in a more human and more just world.
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